A FEELING SO FAMILIAR

It’s stirring, a feeling so familiar

I dread it, I welcome it. 

Warring between finding peace

And resisting the waves.

It punishes me yet again

Testing my limits, breaking me raw;

It’s roaring, the demons so familiar

I cower from it, I crave it. 

It’s tar – black and flaming

Rising up my throat. 

I’m a blazing furnace,

Burning through my bone and flesh

I’m a wilting rose,

Thorns sprouting out from my pores;

It’s suffocating, the dark so familiar

I despise it, I embrace it. 

In a cave with an open door

I can see the light

Yet black masks my vision.

I want to move

But ghosts shackle me in.

I want to call out

Alas, shame clogs my cries;

It’s tiring, the helplessness so familiar

I curse it, I bask in it

As I lay in the cave frozen and stiff

I watch the world outside

Marveling at how time flies,

Wondering if there is an end to it

While I wait for my voice to be heard

While I wait for the demons to spur.